Lillian would not take a bottle. I tried. Valiantly.
Cradling her. Setting her in her bouncy seat and car seat. Holding her facing out, as if my left forearm was a chair, while my right arm was hooked around trying to get her to understand that my milk tasted good even from a bottle.
She didn't care. Avent, Ventaire, Playtex, big nipple, small nipple, silicone or latex. No dice.
My main goal in getting her to take a bottle was to take some of the feeding pressure off of me. Perhaps my husband could take a night feed. Perhaps I could leave the house for more than 45 minutes at a time.
But there was also that kernel of doubt about nursing in public. Would I be too nervous? Would I be frightened of a confrontation? Would a bottle of my milk, tucked in the side of the diaper bag, makes things easier?
After giving up on the bottle, I decided if I ever wanted to take Hannah to the park when the winter began to thaw, I'd have to learn to nurse in the fresh air. I'd have to let go of any anxiety and resign myself to what I wholeheartedly believed anyway: that breastfeeding was important to me, that I loved it, that my daughter was thriving, and to hell with anyone who would be offended by the sight of my slightly pulled-up shirt, perhaps a tiny sliver of skin and the back of my baby's gorgeous, sweet head nursing contentedly at my breast.
Nursing mothers were dealt two blows recently, the first covered by IzzyMom. IzzyMom discussed the Facebook fiasco, where a picture of a mother nursing her child was deemed offensive and removed, yet where all kinds of weirdness, profiles bordering on prostitution, and groups that actually support anorexia are somehow allowed to flourish. We all know Facebook and MySpace, and have heard the horror stories of the meat-market like atmosphere of it all. The resounding message of this is that breasts are meant to be consumed for sexual gratification only. This is acceptable, but a picture of a mother nursing her child is immodest, vulgar, violating-terms-of-service bad.
And then there is the Bill Maher deal, covered by Suburban Oblivion. Bill is someone whom I generally enjoy when I see him chatting with Larry King, but someone whom I've always suspected has some serious issues with women. For him to equate breastfeeding in public with public masturbation is to equate me nursing Lily on the playground with a guy in a trench coat flashing school children.
Not even in the same universe, Bill.
When are people gonna rid themselves of their hangups of seeing breastfeeding in public? Is it the blue-haired set that are the chief complainers? Is it men who prefer seeing their titties hanging out of Hooters uniform? Is it other mothers who have no idea what it's like being cramped up in a house all day and night with a nursing infant?
Who says, "Stay home!"???
Who is it? Because I'd like to find them and set them straight. We have a sometimes-disapproving general public telling us to stay home, we have a government equating formula feeding with riding a mechanical bull while pregnant, and we have some goddamn archaic family leave laws that give some families a paltry 6 weeks to get their shit together. Sounds an awful lot like a situation that's hard to win.
Give us a break people. We're just trying to feed our children. Now go back to your naughty profiles and quesadilla samplers and leave us and our families the hell alone.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
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26 comments:
Bravo, Kelly.
I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around why this bfing in public is such a big deal. Our society and it's Puritanical roots are certainly not helping bfing moms causes.
A-fucking-men.
Well said. My first wouldn't take a bottle either. And I was really only trying to give a bottle so I wouldn't embarrass others by my public eating. But then I decided, screw it, the baby's got to eat.
If you wish, you can read my post about this here -
http://pootandcubby.wordpress.com
/2007/09/17/my-two-breasts-i-mean-cents/
Damn straight, Kelly.
Thank you.
I hear it, sister.
Just fucking senseless.
Senseless stupidity.Well said !
I hear you - though sorry your daughter wont take EBM by bottle to give you a break & extra sleep have you tried a cup ? or someone else giving it instead of you and also when she is a little sleepy.
I don't care where I BF in public or even who I offend. Not that I flash my titties to prove a point. I'll continue to feed my twin boys in public for as long as they want.But not at same time !
Well said. No, *brilliantly* said.
Sometimes I think famous people say stupid shit just so we talk about them. No bad publicity, right?
I once took my three month old on a trip to Florida and bf her in pretty much every airport between the Midwest and the Sunshine State and because we were so bad at the whole thing, I'm pretty sure I flashed everyone who bothered looking. As my breasts never looked as magnificent as they did when they were engorged with milk, I think it was a pretty good show. I wish I had remembered to fondle myself after, for good measure.
another a-fucking-men.
i was so, so bummed about Bill Maher. i just don't get it...i really don't - is he serious? is he addled? is it 1960 again? i'm baffled.
I've found that people that are so openly offensive and set in their ideas about breastfeeding inside, outside or upside-down, are far beyond the reaches of civilized discussion and education.
I feel very comfortable these days in waving the middle-finger salute and shouting out a hearty "f**k you" when confronted with soneone wrinkling their nose or telling me that breastfeeding in public is like urinating in public (have you heard that one yet?)
I mean, if they already think I'm being offensive, I might as well give them their money's worth.
Breastfeeding moms need to get more dangerous. I think any breastfeeding-in-public mom needs to get a few tattoos, wear black leather and spikes, and just look plain mean. Then no one would mess with us.
My new t-shirt slogan:
Yeah, I'm breastfeeding. Shut your mouth or loose your teeth."
That would be "lose", not loose. Although, either would work. ;-)
Just a hello and thanks for the pissy comment ;)
Hear, hear.
AMEN!
I got both kids to take bottles early on. I nursed and had bottles as backup. I dont regret it!
Hmm, never thought of having someone take a pic of me nursing
sing it, sister.
HEll YA!
Rant on, mama!
I breastfed wherever and whenever I needed to and it was rare that anyone made me feel awkward about it (thankfully). And I saw a mother nursing at the park today, flashing a bit of skin, but mostly just her newborn's earnest head suckling away. It was a beautiful sight, inspiring enough for a post, even.
I couldn't have said it better than that.
I was so disappointed in him.
And the whole breastfeeding thing?
I felt the same way about bottle feeding--like I was shunned by superior moms who could do it.
Felt like I was constantly defending myself; telling complete strangers, well, my nipples are introverted.
Jesus. How can becoming a mother turn some into such shits?
Amen.
The part I loved is when Bill Maher compared women who have babies to dogs.
Women are so much more awesome than men.
i was interested in how he defended his "new rule" the folowing week ... it's just what he thinks and all.
And I thought yeah, who cares what he thinks? He's a comedian who has made a huge living out of hating Bush, who is basically just saying what he thinks, too.
So basically I can now lump them both together and change the channel.
F*ck the bottle and nurse where ever the hell you'd like -- I did. KOP mall. The park. Thanksgiving dinner table. I considered it a public service announcement for all of the uneducated and missinformed.
Don't forget the Applebee's fiasco as well....
I vote you for president. You rock.
The first time I saw a women breastfeeding in public I was a young man (I don't remember when, a teenager probably) and I thought it was a bit weird, but since I've grown to, frankly, not care.
Mostly when I've seen women doing this they're just quietly sitting somewhere, getting on with it without bothering anybody. As long as nobody starts coming up to me to shove my nose in the fact, I don't see why it should be any of my business.
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